Adventures in Sticking It Out

So, Lyla told me several weeks ago that she wanted to play soccer again. 

I guess I wasn’t totally surprised - our neighborhood is full of kids (mainly boys) playing soccer - Eli down the street has a soccer goal so big it looks like it belongs on a professional field.

But, I was worried. 

Me: Are you sure you want to do this?

Lyla: Yes, Mommy.

Me (recalling last year’s disastrous Fall Season in which Lyla openly dreaded each and every game, wandered aimlessly around the field throughout each game and refused to practice at home): Are you sure you want to do this, because last year...

Lyla: Yes, Mommy. I really want to play.

Me: Ok, but you realize if you decide you don’t like it mid-Season, you have to stick it out, you have to finish because you’re making a commitment to your team mates.

Lyla: Yes, Mommy, I really want to play. 

So….I got on the computer and (reluctantly) registered our girl for the Fall Season. 

We are now 2 games into a 5 game season, and our girl officially hates playing. Again.

She barely uttered a word on Saturday prior to her game. She was withdrawn, miserable and quiet.

And….I was forced to consider - is it really worth it? Do I really have to stick to my guns here? Does she really have to stick it out? Will she even remember this several years from now?

Who is this harder on, anyway? Me or her?

Me. Definitely me.

She dutifully attended. She followed me to team pictures this morning. She did what she had to do. She sat there and took pictures. Dutifully. Nothing more. 

And, she’s miserable on the field. She managed to follow the ball a few more times today than last week. But she’s not happy, and she’s not having a good time. 

So, do I really have to make her stick it out? Do we really have to go again next week? And the week after? It just makes me feel so sad to see her so miserable. 

And, then I think about the people I know who quit easily - friends who have intellect but no confidence, no motivation. That started somewhere, and maybe it was right here…at age 4, when it was easier for Mommy to avoid feelings of sadness that inevitably accompany watching your child struggle. 

I am reminded that parenting is hard, and that parenting should be hard…if the decision is easy, it probably isn’t the right decision. 

I want Lyla to develop a sense of commitment, a sense of dutiful obligation to complete a task.

And, as hard as it is, it begins now. To allow her to walk in the other direction would teach her that you can walk away any time that things get hard. 

So, when Lyla tells me next week that she wants to stay at home and not go to her game, I have to remember that the commitment she’s developing in Little League Soccer is what is cultivating a “success gene” in her for later. 

Even when it’s hard for us both…because there’s nothing worse than seeing this sweet ray of sunlight miserable. 

It sure would be easier to stay at home and play dolls.

And that’s exactly why we have to head to the soccer fields. 

Only 3 more games...